I finally started drawing again earlier this month. I’m not sure what took me so long, but it seems that sometimes (or truthfully, most of the time) I am intimidated for some reason… like I feel that I won’t be able to produce something “good” enough, worthy of attention, worthy of sale. And it’s this last one that has consumed my thoughts lately. I never used to want to sell my work because I didn’t think I’d ever be able to part with anything. But now, it’s different. I feel like that’s what my next goal is, to sell a piece. I don’t even care if I sell it for what I believe it’s worth. I just want to know someone else thinks what I make is inspiring.

I’ve been struggling at work lately, struggling to keep focus, to have fun with what I’m doing. Will it pass? I don’t know. Is it because I’m realizing I may not be in my ideal field? Or is it another phase I’m going through? I’ve been considering what it might be like to live as a professional artist. After all, that is what I’ve wanted to be since I was 7 years old, even if I thought it was only a childish fantasy until now. 21 years. That’s how long ago I decided to be an artist. Can I call myself an artist now? Sure, but I think even when I was a child, I understood my love of art a lot deeper than most that age. I think I had an indication that this was what I was meant to do with my life. But who knows? I could be over analyzing this.

Now, not only do I want to draw, I want to paint, I want to make collages, and mixed media pieces. I am even craving trying abstract pieces, which I’ve never done before in my life. I think it’s time. I think some of the shyness from the critique of others is finally fading. It will never fade completely, but I think I’m not so scared of it anymore. That’s what I mean. I think having my art “blog” has helped in that area tremendously. Just putting my old pieces up for others to see, whether anyone is actually looking or not, has sparked this desire to show more, to show things that are still in my head.

I want to nurture my creativity, where as in the past I’ve shied away thinking others may not think me so creative. I have to remember that not everyone will like every piece I create. Everyone has different tastes. And it certainly takes time to develop technique and style. I have to be patient, which will probably be the hardest part. I am not, by nature, a patient person. Which is probably the reason I hardly ever finish many pieces. I also think I don’t even know what my style is yet. Since I’ve only created pieces from my own imagination a handful of times, I’ve always drawn from photographs, or collages of photographs. How am I supposed to know my own style when I don’t even try to portray my own ideas onto my paper?

So, that’s my goal. Well, I guess it’s a multi-faceted goal. I want to be able to discover my own style, learn to use my imagination without fear of judgment, create (and finish) many pieces, and sell my first piece (to someone other than a person in my family). I’ll make a quality print of it first of course ;) I know the last goal will probably take the longest, but I know it’s worth the time invested and the wait involved. That will most likely be my validation in all of this. Whether someone else thinks my work is great enough to invest in it.

I also want to research more about what it takes to be a professional artist… things like getting a business license, knowing taxing laws, getting a gallery showing, proper marketing techniques, and other such business-related topics.

I think I have my work cut out for me. :)